This evening, I board a plane to Los Angeles, where I catch another plane to Fiji where I will spend 5 days getting briefed by folks at UNDP (the UN Dev’t Program), then on the 27th I fly to Honiara, the Solomon Islands. For anyone who has not gotten my last few messages, I am going to work as a UN Volunteer on the island of Santa Isabel – as an advisor to the Provincial government there, primarily building their capacity in financial and project management. The initial assignment is for a year, but can be renewed for up to three years (the length of the project).
So. . . Many years ago (over 20 as a matter of fact,) I worked with an organization called the Institute of Cultural Affairs (ICA). One of the primary things I did was facilitate community “town meetings” and community youth forums. These were basically visioning and strategic planning workshops based on a methodology the ICA created which came to be known as the Technology of Participation. This was before facilitation or even participation, participatory planning or participatory rural assessment was in vogue. I loved it. I had a knack for it even at 17 and thoroughly enjoyed everything about the process, whether drawing charts or facilitating a group session or creating the report.
Three years ago yesterday (yesterday in Cameroon at least), Anita died after a short and painful struggle with lung cancer.
On the bus ride from Yaoundé to Bamenda, I listened to the audiobook of Lynne Twist's "Unleashing the Soul of Money." Near the end, she guided listeners through a few exercises, one of which was to list 10-20 "gifts and blessings at the core of your happiness and joy." The very first thing that came to me was to have known and loved and been in relationship with Anita for 17 years. At the end of the exercise I looked back and thought, "oh that's odd, maybe I did this wrong, 'cause that's something in the past, not the present." But then I realized that, for me, it is still true. The thing I am most proud of in my life, the gift and blessing that continues to bring me happiness and joy, is my relationship with Anita. Not that I think I did such a stellar job or anything. The only great thing I did was to recognize the gift that God was giving me and dive into it totally, fully, completely, for better or worse.
It was such an immense privilege and blessing to know this woman dearly and intimately. She grew younger and lighter and more playful and more full of her spirit with every passing year. Her integrity and passion were a tremendous gift to the planet and to everyone who knew her and worked with her. She made a difference wherever she was. She was smart, both intellectually and in a common-sense sort of way. She loved beauty and was fully expressed when she was creating it -- particularly when she was co-creating with and for others. She was very grounded, rooted in the earth, and her second career as a garden designer and gardener allowed her to be grounded and creative and practical and beautiful and play in the dirt!
And I got to love her and care for her and live with her and work with her and create with her for almost 17 years. For that I am more grateful than for anything else in my life so far.
Her death was the most painful thing I have ever experienced and, yet, I am immensely grateful for that also. It strengthened my faith in ways I never would have expected. I learned so much about myself, life, death, love, and God. And I think the grieving process I went through was, in the end, deeply healing for me on many levels.
So on the anniversary of her death, I honor Anita G. Barfield -- passionate advocate for social change, loyal friend, loving wife, cool mother, inspired artist, faithful servant and so much more.